Fic of Hypocrisy I: Unleash your Inner Sue!
by Konoha's Kage
Summary: I get sucked into the Naruto world? Wow, such an original idea. I totally ruin the plotline because I can't keep my big head out of things? What a surprise! Wait a minute... English Naruto? ... Oh CRAP...
1. Chapter 1

Beep: Ok, so HI. I'm Beep, KK's writing assistant. That's what you can call me, but I'm really just a figment of her imagination. So's HCM, who's a talking machine.

HCM: Salutations.

Beep: We would like to tell you that KK is well aware that she has not been updating Unexpected Circumstances lately, and for that she is sorry. She wishes she could update, but her mind keeps coming up with blanks. Instead, she came up with a totally new and stupid idea for THIS story. She is afraid that you may not be pleased with it either, but she could not resist. She asks that you please refrain from blowing up her house, because her family lives there.

Basically, KK isn't here because she's actually IN the story. (You're gritting your teeth in anger, aren't you?) So it'll just be me and good 'ol HCM in the Author's note. Is that it?

HCM: You forgot the disclaimer.

Beep: Oh, right. Um, yeah. We don't own it, 'cause we're not allowed.

HCM: Ok, now you're done.

Beep: Great! Alright, so I have some more news for ya! I'm no longer a red pterodactyl neopet thing! I'm a ghoooosst! Check it out on KK's profile's homepage-that's-not-really-a-homepage! I'm all cool! Oh, and here's HCM with the notes.

HCM: I feel special.

Notes:

1. Because we are doomed with an incurable phobia of having the house egged by Rabid Fangirls, there will be no HotGuyXKK pairing. The author will, because she couldn't resist, develop a relationship with one of her favorite characters, but there will be no romance, except for maybe pairings heavily implied in the show. (No Shounen-ai, sorry girls.)

2. Expect a lot of POV switches.

3. I don't know how much exactly, but in this chapter there will be quite a bit of Cartoonnetwork bashing.

4. Expect Plot changes. You can't add a character into an important part of a series and expect something not to change. The changes may not appear until a while, though.

5. The authoress IS a hyprocrite. She HATES these types of stories and yet is writing one herself. The authoress has not disabled me yet, proving that she herself agrees.

* * *

_**Authoress's Journal**_

**I hate this place.**

**I hate the bed I am sitting on, I hate the room that the bed is furnishing. I absolutely loathe the house that the room takes place in. Even more so, I _despise_ the owner of the house.**

**As you might have noticed, I'm in a hating mood right now. I'm writing this very sentence right now in a note book that I carry around. Once I get back home, I'll be typing this, and more onto Fanfiction(dot)net. If I get back home. Well, if you're reading this, then I'll probably be home. For now, I'll be recording what I can remember while I reside in this... world.**

**To put it simply, I'm in the Naruto world.**

**I know, I know, it's a big surprise, isn't it? It's not like hundreds of fangirls haven't already gotten sucked in!  
**

**And after all, those type of things only happen in fanfics...**

** Shut up.  
**

**Anyway. You would think that if I was in the Naruto world, I'd start gaining these unknown powers that were hidden in a burning flame deep inside my heart, but nothing like that has happened so far. Then again, I've only been here one day.**

**So why am I here?**

**No idea. I'm pretty sure I'm not related to any of them. Mostly because I'm pretty sure that I'm VIETNAMESE. Not Japanese. Or Konohanian or whatever. Really, I'm Vietnamese. Ask my parents if you don't believe me. Actually, don't. I love the show an all, but it's not like I examine every damn second of the show. So it's not like I can help them with anything. I try, but I can find no reason at all why I'm here, and I just want to get home.**

**I don't know how I got here, so I'll just tell you what happened today.**

* * *

_Author's POV_

I set my pencil down, attempting to recollect my memory of those events.

It was the weirdest thing. One minute, I was getting my ass kicked in a game of baseball during P.E., and I tripped. But instead of slamming my face into hard and rough concrete, I fell on soft, comfortable grass instead. I don't remember a bright and holy light, I don't even think I got knocked out. It was like shifting scenes in a dream and not even noticing. After realizing the feeling I recieved from the ground, I sat up. From what I could tell, I was in a forest. Was it a forest? Whatever, it was a bunch of trees.

A gust of wind blew across. It held a scatter of green leaves. That was familiar.

After quite a few minutes, I deducted that I was in the Naruto-verse. I don't know how I knew. It was... just this... _aura_.

That, and everything looked like a Japanese cartoon. (Anime, manga, whatever. Don't need to get too touchy with the word, alright?)

Ahem. Then I got to wondering... did I look like I was drawn by a pen and animated myself? I didn't have mirror, and my glasses did nothing to reflect my face. I looked at my hands...

And I couldn't tell.

I'm not sure how to explain it. You look at your own hands, and that's definately not drawn, right? But what if the real world were a cartoon, and _you _were the one being watched? Are you real? Or invented?

As I stared at my hands, I couldn't tell. I wasn't sure if I looked drawn or real. Your definition of real, that is. What if I was both? It felt real. I think it did.

My unintelligible thoughts were interrupted when something bright orange caught my eye.

"Hey. HEY. You okay?"

I looked up, my heart beating against my ribs. I wonder how many ribs I have... back to the recollection! There he was. Uzumaki Naruto. Ramen breath and all. _The _Uzumaki Naruto. And gang.

His golden hair danced so... smoothly with the wind. His eyes, like pieces of the ocean, shone brightly against the sunlight. Beautiful...

This poetic thing is kind of scaring me.

"Wh... wha...?" I said intelligently. "OH! Oh, yeah, I'm okay! Umm... hi!" I said, with the biggest grin I could give. "Uh... I'm Lana! I... I'm a villager. Nice to meet you."

"Pleasure, Lana," Kakashi said pleasantly, his visible eye still on his porn. Bitch. "I'm Kakashi Hatake." (I heard, "Pleasure, Lana. I'm Perverted Sensei.")

I felt a tingle up my spine. Something was wrong with the way he said that...

"Hello, Lana, I'm Sakura Haruno." (Translation: "Hello, Lana, I'm Scary-in-Pink Forehead Girl.")

There was that something wrong again!

Sasuke was next to speak: "Hn. Sasuke Uchiha." ("Hn. Emo Chicken.")

My heart skipped a beat when I heard Naruto speak next.

"And I'M NARUTO UZUMAKI! Future Hokage! _Believe it!_"

Those last two words echoed in my head, breaking a piece of my world each time. I felt... so... cold. Could it really be? Had he dared to say... _the accursed words?_ No... I just heard it wrong. I'm sure of it...

"S-say that again?"

"And I'M NARUTO UZUMAKI! Future Hokage! _Bel-_"

"YOU CAN STOP THER-"

"_-ieve it!_"

It was horrible. I was in the world of my dreams... and still in the wrong one. _American-ized. _

I couldn't help myself. I broke down, in my own _circle of sorrow_...

Ahem, circle of _what_? Let me rephrase that.

I broke down, surrendering myself to _darkness_...

Is that from Kingdom Hearts or something? Whatever. I give up.

* * *

_Normal POV_

"How is she, doctor?" Kakashi asked, going out of his way to pretend to be concerned.

The doctor closed the door behind her, an unreadable look on her face. Her voice, though betrayed her visible stoicism. "She's very... strange."

"Yeah, we got that, what else?" Naruto said irritably.

The doctor shot him a glare before continuing. "She's awake, but she won't tell me anything. Instead, she turns away, muttering some pretty bad things about something called... 'Toonami.' Do any of you know what that is?"

The team shook their heads, the word completely foreign to them.

"Well, whatever Toonami is, it makes me question her mental stability." The doctor sighed.

"We found her, maybe it would help if we talked to her?" Sakura suggested.

"Go right ahead," the doctor said before moving aside to give them passage.

"And Naruto?" Sakura said, before stepping in. "Well, seeing as she fainted in front of you, because of something you said..."

"Yeah?"

"Don't talk."

Lana was, as expected, in a fetal position on the hospital bed, brooding. There were even the purple brooding lines hovering above her.

"Um... L-Lana?" Sakura said tentatively. "Are you okay...?"

To their shock, the girl sat up cheerfully, an excited look on her face. "Great! I feel GREAT! Look! These lines around me- they twitch!" She poked one of the purple-blue lines. Indeed, it did twitch.

Team 7 sweatdropped.

"Ooh, sweatdrops! Do they burst?" Lana said curiously, and approached Sasuke. She poked his sweatdrop. "Hey, they don't pop! Cool..." Sasuke twitched.

'Ah... anyway," Kakashi said a bit louder than usual to change the subject. "The thing is, Lana, that we were coming back from a mission when we found you. Therefore, you are an event that happened during the mission. So we'll have to report you to the Hokage. I've set up a meeting with him, and you'll have to come with us. Do you mind?"

Lana lowered her hand from Sasuke's face. "Oh. Sure, okay. I mean, I don't mind."

* * *

_Author's POV_

The old smoking man in a hat sat in the table across from me. A polite smile was on his wrinkled face as he said, "Your name is Lana, you said?"

I decided to give him a last name as well, before they asked so it might look less suspicious. Of course, I had to pull something out of the sky. "Yes, I'm Lana. Lana Reinagara." Reinagara? What the heck is Reinagara? _Please _let there be no one named Reinagara that the Hokage knows...

He nodded, seeming to accept it. "And where are you from, Lana Reinagara?"

"Oh, um... It's a really small village, you've probably never heard of it."

"Try me."

"It's... Amer..riku. Yeah, Ameriku." Seriously, what the hell? What part of my mind does all this crap come from?

"Then, if I may ask, why are you in Konoha and not... Ameriku?" Sarutobi asked.

This was a hard part. How _did _I get here? I don't even know how I got here, let alone make up a story about it.

I looked into his eyes, hoping to get an idea. But they were just eyes. I don't know about you, but I can't read eyes. I don't know why so many writers use the eyes to tell what people are feeling. How can eyes be cold? How does "A flicker of amusement dance" in one's eyes? Maybe it's just me, but the only thing I can really tell with someone's eyes, is i they're crying or if they're dead. Or if they have pink-eye.

Back to the story, decided to tell him the semi-truth.

"I... don't know," I said honestly. Now on to the lies. "I mean, I don't remember. I... think there was an... explosion." I squinted, pretending to try to remember. "Um... I can't... I really don't know. It's all a big blur," I was surprised when my voice shook, it made me sound like I was on the verge of tears. Hey, I think tears are coming to my eyes! Cool! "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay..." Sarutobi lifted his pipe, and a small puff of smoke rose and spread to cloud his face. "If you wouldn't mind, Lana, would you go outside? The genin will lead you."

I got up, and followed Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke.

_Normal POV _

"She was lying," Sarutobi said.

"Yes, Lord Hokage. She is one of three things: A villager, like she said, a very good shinobi, or a very bad one. I could barely sense any of her chakra. She may have been hiding it, but maybe there is nothing to hide," Kakashi mused.

"Maybe. Keep an eye on her. Do nothing to make her suspicious."

"Yes, sir."

Outside the Hokage's tower, Sasuke was standing like a statue by the door. Sakura was yelling at Naruto for asking her out on a date for the umpteenth time. Lana was fiddling with her fingers, trying hard to look like she was thinking about a nailclipper, while she was really thinking about whether or not Konoha beheaded people, hanged them, electrocuted them, or did that suicide thing she forgot the name of.

"Alright, team, I've got a new mission."

The four twelve-year olds looked up, wondering how Kakashi even got there without opening the door. Or how he opened the door without them noticing.

"What is it, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked excitedly. "'Cause I wanna show my new cool moves, bel-"

"Just figure out which of you three has room for Lana to stay for a while. Good luck!"

"W-wait a minute, Kaka-" Lana didn't finish before the jounin disappeared into thin air. She stared at the place where he once stood, then turned around slowly to face the three genin. "Um... hehe." Looking among the three, she said nervously, "...do you guys mind? I mean... I don't have any money yet, but..."

"It's our mission," Sakura said simply. "Naruto's out. His apartment's too small and messy. The best choice would probably be me, but my parent's would never let you. They aren't shinobi, they wouldn't understand, even something like this. Besides that, we have no guest room."

_Author's POV_

I was surprised. Sakura was very... leader-like. I didn't think she'd have this type of personality until somewhere near the time skip. I listened to her, and realized what her reasoning meant. If Sakura and Naruto didn't have room for me...

"That leaves Sasuke." Sakura turned toward her crush. Suddenly she started to blush. "Um... Sasuke? I know that it would be uncomfortable for you to have a girl in your house but... you're the only choice. W-would you?"

Oh, you have got to be _kidding _me. The traitor? _Why me?_ Granted, it would make sense. He had the biggest place out of all of them, and he had enough money and room. Still... it's _Sasuke_. Sauce-gay!

I couldn't help but speak up. "You better not have fangirls attack your house in the morning," I said. It came out ruder than I expected, but I didn't really think there was a polite way of saying it. I was serious. If there were fangirls, there's going to be _another _mass murder in the Uchiha compound.

All three of them looked at me curiously. What? Did they expect me to fawn over a guy that drilled a hole in his best friend's chest?

... Oh yeah. Didn't happen yet.

To my surprise, Sasuke smirked. "Once you get a job, you're paying half the bills." Was that like the second time I've heard his voice?

(Line Break)

"Very... big," I remarked. We had just entered Sasuke's house. I wanted to say something else, but I really couldn't.

The place was well furnished, and everything looked good and luxurious. Still, there was just something that made it all so... dreary. If I could describe it in a color, it would be gray, I suppose.

I followed him to a room with a queen-sized bed. I wonder if he ever had any other guests in this room.

"This will be your room," he said shortly. "Any complaints?"

"Would you care if I had any?"

"Nope."

"Then I'm as perfect as a peach!" A rotten one.

"Good. Here." He tossed me a small sack. It jingled as I caught it. "That should be enough to get you any necessities, and at least five changes of clothes. Try to be less like a girl and spend it wisely."

I glared at him. This was to be a glare that would be repeated at the same person for many days to come. "Thanks," I muttered.

"It shouldn't be hard to find the good clothing stores. If you get lost, ask around."

"I hope they don't all act like you."

He shrugged. "Here's the key," he said, leaving a small silver key on a table nearby. After that, he left without another word. I sighed, looking at the money Sasuke gave me. Should I have shown more gratitude? Whatever, he probably would have flipped me off anyway. Is flipping people off allowed in cartoons?

I left, and found my way easily to Konoha's mall. I was a bit surprised that I got there, being that I get lost very easily.

It wasn't unexpected that half of the stores there consisted of shinobi equipment. I followed the maps that were conveniantly placed to a good store that sold clothing for non-shinobi.

Let's get one fact straight about me: I'm not that interested in clothes. I walk in the store, pick something decent, try it on, and buy it if it fits and doesn't make me look like a multi-colored disco ball.

When I walked out of there, I still had enough of Sasuke's money to buy toothpaste, girl stuff, shampoo, etcetera. By the time I was done, it was 6:30 p.m. Realizing that I hadn't eaten since breakfast, I figured that I'd do what I'd always dreamed of: Eat at Icharaku's. Really, tell me you haven't fantasized it. I dropped my stuff off at my new residence, and made my way to the famous ramen stand.

And who should I see there but the one and only Uzumaki Naruto? Excuse me, Naruto Uzumaki. "Hey, Naruto," I said, sitting beside him.

He looked up. "Hey, Lana! I'm waiting for my ramen. Are you going to eat here, too?"

"Yeah, so what's good here?"

"Hmm... I'd say just about everything, but I don't think you'd like to order one of everything," he said cheekily.

I smiled. "Well, what do you recommend for an amateur ramen tester like me?" I joked.

"Mmm... the beef is one of my personal favorites, but my other personal favorites are chicken and shrimp... it's all my favorite, actually..."

I blinked at him, a bit confused, but not surprised. I picked up the menu beside me, and looked at all the options. It all looked so good. I set the menu down and decided to that I only had one way of doing this.

When in doubt...

_Eeny meeny miney moe._

_Catch a tiger by the toe._

_If he hollers, let him go._

_Eeny meeny miney..._

_Moe!_

I looked up. "Medium-sized seafood ramen, please."

The demon container stared at me incredulously. "That's how you decide things?"

"Most of the time... other times I close my eyes and point, but my favorite method is a Magic 8 ball."

He narrowed his eyes comically. "Boy, I bet we wouldn't survive on a mission that needed strategic thinking with you as the leader."

I poked him in the head with my chopsticks.

"Ow!"

"Aw c'mon, I barely touched you."

"I feel it throbbing!"

"Yeah, yeah, stop whining." I looked around, realizing that someone was missing. "Hey... sir?" I said to the old man. I forgot his name, ok?

"Hm?" he said, turning around, setting a bowl of ramen in front of Naruto.

"Don't tell me you work here alone. Isn't there someone else?"

Naruto looked up, after breaking apart his chopsticks. "Yeah, come to think of it, where is Ayame, old man?"

Right, that's her name!

"Oh, Ayame's going to be gone for a few weeks. She went off to some country I don't have the youth to remember the name of. Getting some ingredients that are only available there. I'm by myself till she comes back," he explained.

A polka-dotted lightbulb turned on over my head. I got a stupid idea. "Hey... I'm looking for a job... do you think I could work here until she comes back?" I asked.

"Hmm... that's not a bad idea," the old man said. The polka-dotted light bulb nodded smugly. (It's all metaphorical, just so you know.) "But how much patience do you have?"

"Not much patience with people who have the IQ of negative 200, but other than that, I'm like a monk."

"And where do you stand on poor pay, long hours, and burning, blistering hands at the end of the day?"

"I'll kill myself, then come back the next day refreshed and ready to do it again."

"Perfect! You're hired!" he said, putting a bowl of ramen in front of me. I think he just liked the fact that I said I'd kill mysef.

"Great. I'll start tomorrow. Let's eat!"

Yeah. Ramen is bliss. Anime ramen is heaven dipped in seasoning. A pleasured sigh came from my mouth.

After getting over my first taste, I looked over at Naruto.

"So, tell me about one of your missions, Naruto."

He gave a big grin. "Well, my latest mission took place in the Wave. I've gotten other missions, but I think their too gory for you to handle right now."

You guessed it. He told me about his first C-class mission that turned out to be more.

Of course, he exaggerated everything.

"We were escorting this rich owner of a construction company, when we got attacked by to A-ranked missing-nins called the Demon Brothers!"

Why not go along with it? It might be fun. "Really? How did you beat them?" I said excitedly.

"Oh, it was pretty easy, _believe it!_" Ok... take it easy... you just have to get used to the English stuff, ok Lana? Not even noticing that I stopped breathing for a bit to calm myself down, Naruto continued. "They had these poison claws though, and the ingredients for the antidote is extremely rare! I had to rescue Sasuke and Sakura a few times but..."

It went on like that for a while. Even though I knew he was lying, I was actually pretty interested. Naruto's a good story teller. Before I knew it, both of our ramen bowls were empty, and Naruto's tale was finished. "Well, I should go now. Sasuke hasn't given me a curfew yet, but I don't want to take any risks," I joked.

"Ok, see you later," Naruto waved.

I got up to leave, but then turned around. "Actually, can I get a small vegetable ramen to go?" I asked the old man.

"Getting dinner for Sasuke?" Naruto asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm paying with his money. Might as well use it all," I shrugged. "Extra tomatoes, please."

I grabbed the order after he finished. "Ok, bye Naruto. I'll see you tomorrow morning, old man!"

"7:00 a.m. And the name's Teuchi!" Right. Gotta remember that. I repeated the name to myself as I walked to Sasuke's place.

Sasuke came home a little after 10:30 that night to find me getting ready for bed.

"Bought you dinner," I informed him. "Figured you'd be hungry after all that training."

Sasuke opened the ramen, then closed it and said, "How'd you know I was training?"

"It'd be the only thing for you to do at this time of night. Uchiha or not, no bartender's gonna let you in at your age."

"Hmph. Thanks... though it was my money."

I shrugged. "Don't worry, I didn't pee in it or anything." I walked to my room and closed the door.

I suppose this would be a good time to tell you who I am? They may not know, but you aren't part of the show, so what do you matter? That didn't come out right.

Anyway, my name is Lana. Can't tell you my real last name, because according to my brother, "There are some real crazy people out there." Maybe I'm Lana Lang from Smallville. Or that Alana that goes to your school. Maybe not.

I'm a Vietnamese twelve year old, and I hold the record of being the shortest in my class. Every. Damn. Year.

Here's how I look. Thick black hair, black eyes, and double-jointed fingers. Oh, and I have acne. I've got annoying glasses. I about as athletic as your couch. It's amazing I'm not over 100 pounds. You may think I'm joking, but I'm not. Yes, I am your everyday Asian Naru-tard.

Hmm... that's about all I'll let you know for now. Alright, so I dropped myself into the bed, recovered from the fact that it was like lying on a cloud, and pulled out a black and white notebook that I bought earlier. I grabbed a pencil that I found conveniently lying around. This is what people do, right? They record stuff when they're on mysterious journeys and stuff like that?

Anyway, I opened the notebook, laid my pencil on the first page, and...

**... That's how I got here. So now I'm laying on this stupid bed, and loving it because it feels like a freakin' peace of heaven. It's 12:50- something, and now, I can't even sleep because I keep wondering _why the hell I'm here _and _how I get OUT._ And on top of that, I also can't sleep because**

I stopped there, realizing the other reason of why I couldn't sleep- there was a noise.

But not like the noe of someone breaking in. (What robber would break into a house of a skilled shinobi, I don't know.) It was more like the noise of... crying. It definitely wasn't me. My eyes were dry. The only other person was...

"Oh... fu..." I didn't say the whole word because I don't think that's allowed on cartoonnetwork. _Uchiha Sasuke _was crying!

What. The. Hell? A million thoughts rushed through my head. But I had to see it to believe it. I slowly stood up, the floorboards creaking underneath me. I crept out of my room, and to Sasuke's door. I opened it, praying that it didn't squeak.

It was dark, but I could see his dark figure on his bed. Sure enough... his shoulders were shaking. I stepped closer, and closer. Soon, I found myself staring at his face. It was scrunched up in pain, and I saw two rivers of tears flowing down his face.

Inside, I panicked. That's what I do when people cry. I never know what to say when people cry, because I always seem to make things worse. And doing that hugging thing is just too weird. I can't do that when people are awake, so what can I do when the crying person is asleep? Did he know that he cried? Why would he give me a room so close to his if he knew?

"Mother... Father!...No..." he sobbed. I winced, having some idea of what was going on in his head.

I hesitated, but then I forced my mouth to open. "Sasuke?" I tried to say. But my voice didn't come out; I only ended up mouthing it. I tried to clear my through without going 'AHEM', and tried again. "Sasuke?" This time I reached out to touch him, and for a split second I felt my hand shaking along with him.

I say split second because for the next part of the second, Sasuke woke up. And he did what any other ninja would do: Pin me up against the wall.

Ok, I can understand why he would do it. I mean if someone touches you in the middle of the night, you have to do _something_. It was his instinct. But there was his rough hand choking me, his Sharingan all up in my face, _and it hurt!_

"S... Sasuke!" I choked out.

Once he realized who I was, he loosened his hand, dropping me to the floor. Painfully. I rubbed my neck, and tried to ignore how hard my heart was beating.

Just before he turned away from me, I saw his red eyes turn black again. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

I couldn't think of anything to say. Anything smart, that is. "I... I thought I heard... um... a scary noise... um... in my closet... and..." If he could turn to look at me, I think he would have told me with his eyes how stupid he thought I was. Sasuke couldn't turn to look at me, though, I knew his eyes were still tear-stained. I think he knew it too.

"It's just the trees. Go back to sleep."

I nodded, though he didn't see it, and left silently. When I went back to my room, I wrote a bit more in my notebook before putting it away.

**Thanks a lot, Sasuke-teme. Now you made me feel guilty, asshole! **

I didn't hear a sound from his room for the rest of the night. I don't think he slept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authoress' Journal**

**Day 2 **

**I met another asshole today. Difference is, this asshole's actually useful. See that's the good thing about alternate universes. They're so good at giving you things that are probably useful, even though you aren't exactly sure how they are useful! Aren't AU's so hospitable? Except when you wanna go home. Then they're stubborn bitches.**

Authoress' POV

As you might have guessed, I didn't get very much sleep that night. I forced myself to get up at 6:00, and got ready for my first day at work. When I had come out of the shower, wet and dressed, Sasuke was already preparing breakfast.

"Good morning," I said politely.

"Hn." Not much of a morning person, is he?

"Breakfast smells good."

"Coffee's over there. No sugar or cream," he said curtly. How could I forget? Uchiha Sasuke doesn't like sweets. I'm so surprised.

Nevertheless, I poured myself a cup, taking in the fresh warmth before taking a sip. I scrunched my face up. _Bitter._ I wonder if they have a Starbucks around here...

"You're moving to the room down the hall. I forgot, there's termites in your current room."

I didn't say anything, processing his words. That room was smaller than the one I had, but it was farther from Sasuke's. I wondered if termites was why I heard him so clearly last night. Or if he was just making excuses. In the end, I looked down at my dark drink, and said, "Okay."

"I'll move your things there tonight," Sasuke said.

Offering to help? He really didn't want me in that room, huh? "You don't have to do that..."

"If that's what you wish."

Aw, crap. I didn't really mean that! "What? Wait-"

"Do you want me to help you or not?"

"Well, yeah but..."

"Then take my kind gesture an let go of your pride."

MY pride?! Take your own advice, you cocky, stubborn, ass-for-a-faced bitch! I glared at the Uchiha symbol on his back as he walked out the door. I poured the bitter coffee down the sink, brushed my teeth, and headed out for work. I barely made it on time, entering the ramen bar at 6:59.

"Morning, Teuchi," I said, breathless in my haste to get here. The reply was an apron and hat thrown in my face.

"Your uniform," the old man said, not even looking up. He was already stretching the dough. I tied the apron around my waste, and placed the white hat on my head. "Get the soup ready. Instructions are over there. When you're done, start chopping up those vegetables. Cut and cook the beef, too. I'm not afraid to fire you on your first day."

After running the geezer's orders through my mind, I nodded and got to work. It took a while, but I finally got the soup to be edible. If I had time to pat myself on the back, I would have. Instead, I chopped the onions, diced the tomatoes, ground the beef. Three hours later, people started coming in. In the morning, only two people came. I took their orders, served the food, eavesdropped on what they talked about (Hey, it was a confined place. I'm not that deaf), and dreamed of spitting in their food.

The busiest hour was 12:00. I found myself running from place to place, taking orders, dealing with hungry customers with chopsticks shoved up their asses, and I burned myself twice. Hey, at least I wasn't a ninja. Or else I'd be taking orders, dealing with rich customers with kunai shoved up their asses, and killing myself twice.

I never thought I could do all this. I never even did one bit of this at home. (I'm such a GREAT daughter...) Maybe it was the the environment or something. You know how in those kid cartoons where an anvil drops on the cat, and he's fine five seconds later? Maybe it was kind of like that with me.

After the busiest hours were over, Teuchi said I could go on a break for an hour. I spent the first twenty minutes eating lunch, then I decided to go for a walk. Maybe if I bumped into one of the characters I knew, I could tell where in the storyline I was.

I was right in thinking I would figure out where the series was at. I found Team 7 not far from the bridge where they always met. Well, two thirds of the team. Sasuke wasn't there. Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon were there, too. I watched from afar as Sakura was getting ready to pound Konohamaru, when the Sabaku siblings entered.

I concluded that I was at that episode right before the Chuunin Exams, and continued to observe them. It was like getting seats right behind home plate at a baseball game or something. Everything seemed so much more real than through a computer screen. And it _was _real, at least that's what I thought when I remembered it later. I could touch them, I could feel them, so why wasn't it real?

So everything happened as I remembered it. Kanky held up Konohamaru by the shirt, Naruto was sitting dumbly on his ass, and there was ominous music in the background (But that might have been in my head.).

And then Gaara fell on the ground.

That was definitely _not _part of the storyline. Not only did he fall (Almost falling on his ass, but managing to land on his feet), he had sand hovering around him.

Then Temari said something that even I could hear from afar. "Who... who the heck are you?"

Then Gaara replied, but I didn't hear-- I didn't hear, but I knew exactly what he said. It's hard to explain how, but I'll try anyway. I knew what he said, because he was subbed. What I mean is, words started floating in front of my eyes... _translating_ him. Like on YouTube (Which I, if you didn't notice before, do NOT own.) , when you're watching a subbed anime. I don't know how, and I don't know why. But white words appeared before me, right as Gaara spoke:

"_Temari? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Konoha. Why are you dressed like a fifteen-year-old? You're eighteen! Hey... where's that Akatsuki member?"_

My eyes widened as I read the words. It was impossible! Me getting sucked into another world like any other cliched fanfic was one thing, but _this?_ Not only was this Gaara, but it was 15-year-old Gaara! Shippudden Gaara! Kazekage Gaara! The hot Gaara! And Japanese!

Well, if my entrance hadn't ruined the series before, it was certainly ruined now.

* * *

Normal POV 

Kankurou dropped poor Konohamaru flat on his butt in shock. A man about his age was standing in front of him looking so amazingly familiar. That hair, that tattoo... and his eyes... no, his eyes were different. They looked the same but... they were different.

_"Temari? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Konoha. Why are you dressed like a fifteen-year-old? You're eighteen! Hey... where's that Akatsuki member? I was just fighting him!"_

Was he an idiot? They _were _in Konoha. And she _is _fifteen! And who the heck is Akatsuki? Why was he speaking in Japanese? How did this man know his sister? And the words that he saw... was it a genjutsu? Gah! Questions, questions!

"Who... who are you?"

_"What do you mean, who am I? Stop playing around. You're older than me." _

"I'm not playing around! Why are you speaking in the wrong language? What's that, a genjutsu? Why do you look like my little br- Gaara?"

_"Why do I- Kankurou! Are you going insane?"_

Temari narrowed her eyes. "That's ridiculous. This guy's at least two years older... and.. well, his eyes, Kankurou."

Gaara didn't get it. What's wrong with his eyes? Were they turning color? Why didn't they recognize him? He looked closer at them, and realized they looked about his old as himself. Did the man on that bird perform a genjutsu on him? He turned around.

Naruto! His eyes widened. He hadn't seen him in over two years... but he hadn't aged a bit. Nor did the girl accompanying him... Sakura was her name. Oh right. He nearly suffocated her to death. Good times... Her hair had grown longer as well... or maybe it had never been cut. They were looking at him, as puzzled as he was.

"Don't you think you should tell them who you are?" a voice said above them. He looked up. It took a few moments to recognize him, sitting on that tree branch, idly tossing two rocks in his hand up and down. When Gaara did recognize the person, his confusion was taken over by an explosion of rage.

"Uchiha!" he hissed.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "So you know me," he said. He stopped tossing those rocks, and proceeded to crush them into a silvery sand, letting it sprinkle to the ground. "It's only fair that I know you t-"

"Sabaku Kyuu!"

Sasuke was surprised to find _sand _creeping up his body. He wasn't sure when he started to feel his body get squeezed tighter and tighter.

"You'll pay for what you did!" the mysterious person growled.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Sasuke!"

Gaara looked over and saw Naruto and Sakura, looking furious. Not at Sasuke, but at him.

"Hey, you!" Naruto yelled. "I don't know who you think you are, but-"

"Sabaku-sama!"

What was it? Why were they defending this traitor? Gaara wondered. He glanced at the voice of the unfamiliar voice, and was almost relieved to know he had never seen this girl before.

The girl was looking panicked. "That's not him!" she said desperately, as if trying to uncover a message in her words. "It's not _him,_" she said again. "He looks like it, but he's not... yet."

He stared at her. Who was she?

"Hey, what are you doing here? Do you know this guy?" Naruto asked. "Um... what was your name?"

"Lana," Sakura answered. "Right? Who are you talking about, Lana? Who is this guy? His name is Sabakusama right?"

Lana glanced at them, then at Sasuke, who was already losing his life by the second, then back at Gaara. "You know it's not him. He's in Otogakure. Pull back the co- Sabaku Kyuu." He stared at her with distrustful eyes. "You could kill me if I was lying!"

She was right. Gaara could tell by a single look that he could kill this 'Lana' without lifting a finger. He looked back at Sasuke. It was true... he didn't have that smell of snakes. But it was pretty damn close. Reluctantly, he released the sand, dropping him to the ground not so gracefully.

Lana sighed in relief. "Um, Sasuke... I'll explain later. G... Sabaku...sama... I mean, Sabakusama, um... follow me... please?"

Gaara glared at her. Who was this girl? She didn't even have the stance of a shinobi. Why should he trust her?

"Um..." She was looking incredibly uncomfortable. Gaara weighed his options. Behind him was _possibly_ Sasuke. To his left was Naruto and Sakura, who for some reason were drawing their weapons and aiming them at him. To his right were his siblings, who didn't even even know who he was. He was surrounded by people who looked three years younger than they should be. In front of him was a complete stranger, who seemed to be the only one who actually knew what was going on, and it looked like she could only explain it to him. Alone. Now if this was a trap, she could easily have another person, more powerful, to fight him. Then shouldn't she wait for a more opportune moment to catch him?

The red on her face faded a little. "Okay! See you guys later!" She called to the people behind him, and walked off, beckoning Gaara to follow.

Sasuke stared after him. Who was that man?

"His power..." Sasuke's head jerked up. Who said that?

Above him was... the man they saw before? No, he was younger. Their facial expressions were different too...

"G-Gaara!" Exclaimed the male sand ninja beside him. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

Gaara of the Desert did not answer, but instead his gaze followed that strangers that just walked off, particularly the male, whose name was (Though he did not know it) Sabaku no Gaara.

Authoress' POV

"Okay, I'm not sure what's the best place to start, but here I go. You're a show." Yeah, that sounded smarter in my head. I found a convenient place (Somewhat resembling a dark alley, which, for some reason, was funny to me) where no one seemed to be present, and was talking to Gaara.

"I'm a what?"

"Well, not you exactly, but you're part of a show."

"I'm a part of what?"

This wasn't going very well. Gaara was giving me a blank stare, obviously confused and probably pissed as well. At least I wasn't trying to explain this to Bloodthirsty-for-existance Gaara. I sighed.

"Have you ever heard Masashi Kishimoto?" His silence clearly meant 'No,' so I continued. "He writes manga. Where I come from, he's respected by many."

"Is he a shinobi?" Gaara asked.

"No..."

"Samurai?"

"No..."

"Emperor?"

"No..."

"Demon?"

This was getting ridiculous. "No. Just manga, as far as I know. Anyway... well, he's your creator." I half-expected some ominous music to pop up out of no where. Maybe a _Dun-dun duunn_. Instead, just an awkward silence ensued. What, no crickets?

"He's my what?"

"You're part of a manga, Gaara. Actually, you're part of an anime, or else you'd be black and white. But that's not the point."

As usual, he still stared at me with the same blankness. I wondered if things could get more awkward.

"And what is this anime called?"

Yes it could, apparently. "Um... heheh. It's called 'Naruto'."

"Naruto? Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Nope, just Naruto."

I could have sworn I heard crickets in the background. Gaara sighed. He closed his eyes, then opened them again. He crossed his arms. Then he said, "Look, do you have the name of your doctor? He's probably worried about you..."

I'm embarrassed at how long it took for me to realize that he was saying that I was insane. I fumed. That little-... okay. Just breathe... Ten... nine... eight...

"Look. I know it's not easy to believe. If I hadn't read about things like this happening, I would believe it myself. It's true though. I can prove it."

Gaara decided to humor me. "Ok, give it a try."

I took in a deep breath. Better do this for all it's worth. "Past. Maybe seven years old. The kids were playing ball, you watched them. They kick the ball onto the roof, give up the game and walk away. In an attempt to make friends with them, you get the ball with your sand. It doesn't matter what you do, they're afraid and run away. Your Uncle, Yashamaru. You... you thought he loved you, but he didn't. Your father asked him to kill you. That didn't end too well."

I realized that I had been looking down the whole time I said this. I looked up. He was still staring at me, but his arms were no longer crossed.

I continued. "Over two and a half years ago, you got into a fight Naruto. By then, the Shukaku had been slowly driving you to insanity. Your scared the crap out of anyone who ever looked you in the eye. Naruto summoned Gamabunta. You forced yourself into sleep and unleashed the Shukaku. You were at your strongest, but he beat you. Like with many other people, he changed your life forever."

He opened his mouth, and I was relieved to stop talking for a bit. "How do you know... you weren't there..."

"The same way millions of people from my world know. We watch you, on television; we watch Naruto. Look, the only reason I'm telling you this is because we both have something in common: We're in the wrong world."

Gaara looked up, then back at me. "Millions of people..."

I gave a nervous chuckle, realizing how it would feel to have millions of people know the embarrassing events in your life. "Well... they aren't here and can't..." Can't what? Tease him? Say anything about him? Draw pictures and write stories about him?

"Is that fair?" He asked. "Millions of people I've never met know everything about me, whether I want them to or not. How is that fair?"

_"_You of all people should know that nothing is ever fair," I said pointedly.

"Impossible."

Not wanting to risk his not believing me again, I charged on. "Is it? Present. You're the Kazekage of Sunagakure. You've come to love your brother and sister, and learned to show it. You care about your village, like every Kage should. You've become more open to your brother, Kankurou. Moments ago, you were fighting an Akatsuki member, you were carried into the air by sand, and Deidara was flying on a bird. And-"

The bomb. I saw Gaara's eyes widened, and could tell he remembered, too.

"Do you remember," I said anxiously, "Did you stop it? The bomb? You were supposed to..."

"I used my sand to shield the village... but...?"

I sighed in relief. "Good. But... there's probably a giant mess." I frowned, thinking that he probably didn't remove the sand hovering over the village.

"What if... he hurts them?"

"He won't... he has a schedule to keep. He was after you, not them," I assured him, hoping I was right. I looked down at my watch. "Oh, crap! I gotta get to work!" Getting an urge to bite my nails, I looked back at him. "Look. You're probably tired after going all Jack Bauer on Suna. Um... you have money, right? 'Course you do, you're Kazekage. There's a hotel in the middle of the village... please book a room there. I'll visit you. I want to talk to you some more. I have to go. Please, don't think I'm crazy. Bye!"

I left, leaving Sabaku no Gaara to his thoughts, praying to whatever god they worshipped that he could trust a pimply, slightly insane, rabid fangirl he's never met before. And why not? He trusted all those other girls in the other fanfics, right?

I also toyed with the idea that not only did Gaara trust them, he also fell in love...

The reasonable part of my mind kicked my fantasizing mind in the ass. No, I told myself firmly. No pairings. No matter how desperate you are, Lana, you will not try to hook a boyfriend that comes from a different dimension. Absolutely not. Besides, when your love life's a failure in reality, what are the chances your love life will be on television?

After lots more of those negative thoughts, my fantasy was whimpering and dying like an abused Harry Potter in the corner by the time I got back to work. I spent the rest of the day in a daze, cooking and serving food. Rarely did my thoughts leave my meeting with the Kazekage and whether or not he would believe me. Sometimes my line of thought would continue onto the plotline, and how I could prevent myself from changing it while also staying at Sasuke's house. Which could be very hard. I wanted to just get a hotel room, but there was no way I could afford it with my money as an Ichiraku waitress; sharing with Sasuke was my only option.

I finished my first day of work, counted the meager amount of money I got, and I went to the hotel that I hoped he was at. I went to the person at the counter, who was some old lady with a nice smile. "Hi, can you tell me if you've seen a man here?"

"Not if you don't give me details, honey." I hate it when people call me honey.

"Um... he's a quiet type, green eyes, red hair and a funny tattoo on his head... heh, I'm not really sure about his name."

"Ah yes, I think he booked a room here a few hours ago." She flipped through a book that had her neat handwriting all over it. "Here we are. Mr. Sabakusama Shukaku."

I was half-flattered that he used my idea as his first name, and half-surprised at what he chose for his last name. "Yeah, that's him. Can you give me his room number."

"Of course, Room 106. Just go right on ahead, honey."

"Thank you."

When I found his room, it took a few seconds until I knocked. I waited for a bit more when he opened the door. I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't get the wrong door.

"Hello, Mr. Shukaku," said, teasing him.

He sent me the famous killer intent that shook my nerves for a few weeks after.

I found my voice and said, "So you decided to believe me?"

"I had no choice," he muttered. He opened the door wider and moved out of the way so I could get in. "I found tiny pieces of explosive clay in my sand. "

Oops. "Oh! I forgot about those. Did they...?"

"No, not yet. I got rid of them just in case."

"I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about those... _flip..._ if those had been triggered..."

_"_Lana..." he said, and it sounded weird to hear my name on his Japanese tongue. "Did I win the battle?"

I looked up. "What?"

"Did I win? Did the Akatsuki member die?"

I felt the guilt in my stomach, though I had nothing to be guilty about. "I... no. You didn't. Those bombs... they knocked you out... and... he flew you away and..."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry." I hate the english language for not being able to come up with anything to say other than "sorry," when you feel bad for someone when you have nothing to say "sorry" about.

"Hmph." I supposed that meant he felt the same way.

"So... what do we do?" I said after a moments silence.

He stared into space. "Is there anything to do?"

I didn't want to think like that. "There has to, right? I mean, we got here somehow. We just have to find out how and reverse it, you know?"

Though I didn't exactly hear it, I had a feeling he was chuckling bitterly on the inside. "You'd be surprised how that logic isn't always true. Besides, we have absolutely no leads as to how we got here in the first place."

"Well what do you suggest we do?" I snapped. I didn't mean to sound angry, but it was just dawning on me how hopeless the situation was.

Again, he was silent. "It's strange."

"What?"

"The only difference between my world and this one is the language and time setting. But it all feels so different."

A little part of me was irritated that he was changing the subject, but I didn't want to talk about the situation anymore and was glad to have an answer to his statement for once.

"People don't know you as a monster. And you don't give anyone a reason to fear you anymore," I said. "At least not as much. I would say the only bad thing is the new aura you give off."

"Aura?"

"Yeah. Like you're the President of the United States."

"The what?"

"Sorry. That's the leader where I come from. I can imagine a whole bunch of guards in suits following you around and a limousine, maybe."

"Lim... limusin?"

"...Never mind," I sighed. "Basically, people feel the need to respect you, not fear you." I meant to say more than that, but I couldn't find the words for it. What bothered me is that I probably would find the words later that night.

"Hmph," he said again. So I wasn't sure whether he felt I was complimenting him or offending him. "What is your world like?" He asked suddenly.

"Mine?" I said surprised and uncertain. "Um... it's a lot different than yours."

He said nothing, so I guessed that I was to continue. "It's hard to explain. Um... well it really depends on the place. In some places, there's advanced technology, things I bet you've never heard of. Then in other places, a lot like your world, but you'd land behind bars if you killed someone."

"Even if it was a mission?" he said, surprised. At least I think he was surprised. You can never tell with his tone of indifference and no eyebrows to raise.

"Yeah. And if you told everyone you were a ninja, you'd be sent to the mental hospital."

"No ninjas?" he said this suspiciously, searching my face for any sign of lying.

"Honest to... whatever god you worship."

"But who would fight in wars? Are there wars? If you can't kill then..."

"I never said you couldn't kill. It's just less tolerated, where I'm from. A lot of people who kill go to jail. Most of them don't though. There's too many. As for wars, that's an exception. Death is unavoidable. It's... complicated. I'm confused myself, really."

He shook his head. "Your world... if there are no shinobi, then how do they kill?"

"Well, we have guns."

"Guns?"

"Yeah, it's this thing that shoots a... a piece of metal. It shoots it out so fast that it leaves smoke in its path."

"... Interesting."

"Of course... I hope that doesn't give you any ideas."

"Ideas?"

"You know, the world might advance too far in technology, rip in the time and space continuum or something."

He sure stares a lot. 

"Anyway... it's a lot different for me, too. I feel more... energetic I guess. It reminds me of a book I read. Something in the air makes me want to... live up to what people my age are doing in this world. Though the way I was raised, I didn't do much work that didn't involve a computer or a pencil and paper. So the best chance I've got is a waitress at a ramen bar," I said bitterly.

"Your world... people don't work?"

"They do, they do. They just have... technology that helps them out a lot."

"But with all the murderers, wouldn't people want to fight back?"

"I guess you're right," I agreed. "I think we rely too much on the gun."

"Do you have a... gun?"

"Well... no. I think there's so many people in the world that... we think it doesn't happen to us."

"Yet people die every day," Gaara pointed out.

"I know!" I said frustratedly. He was confusing me. I didn't like being confused. "Look at it like this," I said after a moment. "There's... well, the poor people. Then there's... for lack of better word, normal. I guess, that's me. Before you point out that I'm far from normal, I mean financially. Then there's the rich and famous people. Now the poor people, no one really cares enough for them to know when they're dead, so sadly, they die a lot. The rich people... well they're rich. That's enough reason to die. And we... normal people... we're well known enough to be noticed missing, but not rich enough to have any reason to be murdered." As I said these words I knew it wasn't true. I've seen many "normal" people reality or not get murdered on television. But I wasn't going to complicate things any further. This was hard enough.

"Your world is idiotic," he said summing up my oral essay. Always a man of few words.

"I would say my world is very intelligent. But the greed made it very _very _stupid."

We were silent again.

"Maybe... you were brought here because... well, your world was stupid."

I laughed. He didn't, but I wasn't surprised. "I wonder if it could be that simple?"

"Some of the most complicated things are."

"You make no sense." He made no reply to that.

"We're stuck aren't we?"

I wanted to just lay on the floor and give up. I was never a very determined person. "Well... we have theories, don't we?"

"Theories?"

"Sure. Haven't you read any fiction stories?"

"We as shinobi don't study the world of the imaginary." Oh yeah? What about tailed beasts and people who can hold snakes in their stomachs, conveniently spewing it out if need be?

"I would suppose not. My point is there's millions of stories out there where some people get transported out of their own world and into another."

"Millions?"

"Yeah. And one of those stories have to apply to this... um... adventure."

He sighed. "This is hopeless."

"Look. Most of them are like this. There's some higher being that runs things, right? And so I guess there's an accident or something and the world's about to be destroyed. Higher being decides to whip up a few people to save the world. They save the world in some action-packed way, higher being figures they did their job and sends them home. Or they wake up and realize it's all a dream. Or they die. But most importantly, to end it all, we have to find our purpose."

"And how do you suggest we do that?"

"Well... what can a geeky girl that can barely run a tenth of a mile without gasping for breath and a murderer slash Kazekage slash jichuuriki with a tattoo do that's so special?" I wondered.

"... Absolutely nothing."

"Actually a lot of things. Just nothing that is really useful."

He didn't reply.

"My suggestion? We wait."

Again quiet, again I guessed that he wanted me to elaborate.

"Yeah. If we're meant to do something, the higher being is bound to throw some hints in our face sooner or later. So we wait." I yawned. "And until that happens, I am going to sleep. Don't know about you, seeing that you can't and all. See ya." I let myself out, and, realizing how dark it was, didn't take my time in getting to my new home.

**Which reminds me. I gotta get another job. Waitressing isn't going to enough, because I get the feeling I'm going to be staying here for a while. Geez... I wish I was home... I mean, I'm only twelve and I already need a job! Not fair! Fine, I'm a brat, okay?**

**By the way, I was very fortunate to get that new bedroom. As I walked past the one I'd only slept in for one night, the door caved in. Guess there were termites. Also, I got home before Sasuke did and I'm going to pretend to sleep when he comes home. How am I going to explain today's events to him tomorrow?**


End file.
